Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List - Part 66
Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD),
the Narcissist, and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths
Listowner: Dr. Sam Vaknin
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1. Interview with Reader’s House
The contemporary tsunami of entitled grandiose narcissism preceded the emergence of social media and has been their main driver. Nothing has changed since the 1980s as far as our understanding of pathological narcissism, both overt and covert. But currently narcissism is no longer reviled, but is legitimized and lauded as a positive adaptation.
There is also a confluence between victimhood and identity movements and certain traits of narcissism: antagonism, negative affectivity, entitlement, and fantastic self-inflation and self-enhancement, for example.
What are some misconceptions about narcissists and their victims that you frequently encounter?
There are too many to enumerate, alas. There is a conflation of narcissism and psychopathy (narcissists don’t gaslight or future fake, for example). There is an aggrandizement of victims of narcissistic abuse (“superempaths” and other such nonsense). There is the overwhelming emergence of charlatans with and without academic degrees who proclaim themselves experts on narcissism with zero track record in the field, are believed by the gullible and the dumb (the vast majority of the population), and proceed to spread a terrifying amount of deleterious misinformation online. This is just the tip of this ominous iceberg. The online scene is a cesspool.
How can someone differentiate between a person with narcissistic traits and someone who has a full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
People diagnosed with the personality disorder suffer from dissociation (memory gaps), cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy (impaired reality testing), compulsively and coercively seek attention (narcissistic supply), lack affective empathy, are unable to relate to other people as external and separate from them (introjection), and so on. NPD is a serious mental illness.
People with a narcissistic style are merely obnoxious, exploitative, thuggish, and repulsive (or superficially charming and irresistibly attractive). They enjoy being the life of the party but will not be obsessed with it.
What are the most effective strategies for victims of narcissistic abuse to heal and rebuild their sense of self?
They must go no contact with the narcissist to the maximum extent possible. The next step is to silence the narcissist’s internalized (introjected) hostile and critical voice (thus reacquiring one’s unfettered access to reality), and then to individuate: regain one’s purloined mature and adult identity. It is a long and arduous process, but with the proper investment and commitment, and the right professional guidance, the prognosis is good.
Given your extensive work in psychology, philosophy, and international affairs, do you see any parallels between narcissistic behaviour in individuals and patterns in global politics?
Collective narcissism is clinically indistinguishable from pathological narcissism in the individual: fantasy, self-enhancement (inflation of self-concept), entitlement (or victimhood), attention seeking, externalized aggression, a pronounced lack of empathy, negative affectivity (hatred, rage, envy), and so on.
What advice would you give to aspiring authors who wish to write about complex psychological and social issues based on both research and personal experience?
Do not write or assume or hypothesize anything based on your personal experience. Freud’s worst moments and most inane “insights” emanated from his grandiose conviction that introspection is the way to gain universally applicable knowledge. His most significant contributions emerged from his plagiarism of other people’s work (his “research”).
2. Interview With Novelist Plus
Given your extensive background in both finance and psychology, how do you believe the economic structures of the twenty-first century contribute to the rise of what you describe as the mental epidemic of narcissism?
Changes in human consciousness precede, predate, and are reflected in sociocultural and economic transformations. It is the tidal wave of narcissism that gave rise to our current civilization and capitalist institutions, not the other way around.
Naturally, technologies and spaces molded themselves to cater to the psychological needs of an increasingly more narcissistic population and to echo its clinical features. Social media are a prime example of this process. So is modern finance.
In the tenth edition of Malignant Self-love, you reflect the new criteria in the DSM 5-TR; what significant shifts in the clinical understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder have you observed since your first edition in 1997?
Even in its most recent iteration, the DSM is way behind the times and current scholarship regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It is still largely categorical, provides a list of diagnostic criteria and gives rise to comorbidities (co-occurrences of ostensibly disparate mental health issues in the same individual).
A belated attempt to transition into a more flexible alternative dimensional model has been relegated to the the back pages of this massive tome.
Consequently, it is the ICD-11 that is the yardstick for contemporary clinical practice. It revolutionized the way we perceive personality disorders by subsuming them under a single diagnostic category and by emphasizing traits and structured evaluations in clinical settings.
NPD is no longer considered a mere mental health issue or a standalone diagnosis. It is an amalgam of heredity, dysfunctional familial backgrounx, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), and societal and cultural factors.
You describe the narcissist as an actor in a monodrama who does not actually love himself; how does this internal "vacated" world differ from the popular public perception of narcissism as mere vanity?
Narcissists are perceived as haughty because their pathology is compensatory: it is intended to repress and disguise deep-seated shame, envy, rage, grief, and inferiority. The narcissist is an absence, masquerading as a presence (a “black hole” or an empty schizoid core).
The narcissist is really brittle and fragile, susceptible to the intrusions of a harsh and unforgiving reality. Pathological narcissism is a fantasy defense.
As long as the narcissist is able to secure the uninterrupted flow of narcissistic supply, he is insulated from and unaware of these seething negative affects.
But when there is a dearth of attention (in states of collapse or mortification), the narcissist becomes dysregulated, decompensated, and acts out, exactly like the borderline patient.
How has your experience as a columnist and foreign correspondent influenced your ability to synthesise complex psychological data into a methodological framework for a general audience?
I am a professional author, so I know how to render complex material accessible to laypersons. But, in psychology, my main audience is in academe and among mental health practitioners. I do not feel the need to dumb down or avoid jargon.
You mention that narcissism is "contagious" and affects those in daily contact with the sufferer; what are the most common long-term psychological effects you have observed in people who were raised by narcissistic parents?
The impact that narcissistic parents have on their children crucially depends on whether the parents are predominantly overt or covert.
The majority of offspring of narcissistic parents grow up to be normal, healthy, mature, balanced, and functioning adults.
A small fraction of children of overt narcissists (especially sons of such fathers) would likely become grandiose, entitled, and dysempathic.
A much larger proportion of the progeny of covert narcissists (especially mothers) tend to grow up to be diagnosed with NPD and other mental health issues (such as depression and anxiety).
Like most other victims of complex trauma (CPTSD), such children somatize their condition across the lifespan (experience psychosomatic symptoms). Their relationships lack depth and intimacy and their attachment styles are insecure.
With over 100 million views on your YouTube channels, how has the transition from written text to digital video impacted the way you engage with victims and sufferers of personality disorders?
My videos are essays. They are not good exemplars of visual media. I am still highly textual and frontal. So, the only thing to have changed is that I talk to a webcam rather than clatter on a keyboard.
In your short fiction, do you find yourself exploring the same themes of the False Self and dilapidated inner worlds, or do you use creative writing as an escape from your clinical work?
My short fiction is another avenue of exploring the dystopian inner landscape of modern Man (and woman).
Mental illness is a social construct. It is when we internalize external pathologies that we become sick. We are but a resonance of our environment, a mere vibe.
My short fiction documents this gradual decay, the inexorable descent into our embedded hell even as we desperately grasp at everything and everyone to lift us into a fantastic heaven.
Your book is based on decades of correspondence; how has the advent of social media changed the "language" of narcissistic abuse compared to the emails and letters you received in the late nineties?
Social media is not about communication. Is it about impression management, spectacle, oneupmanship, narcissistic supply, and escapism. My correspondence continues apace via email.
You discuss the "tyrannical and delusional False Self"; in your view, is it ever possible for a person with a rigid personality disorder to undergo true transformation, or is management of the condition the only realistic goal?
How can anyone say, in good faith, that a personality disorder can be cured or healed? What are we except for and apart from our personalities, disordered as they might be?
We can learn to behave more prosocially, less abrasively or obnoxiously. We can be tamed to not act on our worst impulses, hypervigilance, paranoid ideation, and phobias. We can modify our modus operandi in interpersonal relationships. Gain more insight, become more self-aware, more efficacious. But that is it. Nothing more profound, fundamental, or long-lasting is achievable.
How do you balance the roles of an academic professor and a public intellectual when dealing with a topic as emotionally charged and "vile" as narcissistic abuse?
I don’t. I keep failing, like all my colleagues and other public intellectuals. It is not possible to deal with such emotionally-charged and morally challenging topics objectively, let alone neutrally. This is not physics (in which I have my PhD) and even in physics, we are infested with biases and prejudices and proclivities and personal enmities. We are all human, after all.
What specific writing tips would you give to aspiring authors who are attempting to tackle dense, technical subjects like psychology or economics while trying to remain accessible to the layperson?
If you cannot explain it to a high school dropout in simple terms using a truncated vocabulary, it means that you have a lot more to learn about your field. It is your ignorance that hampers your capacity to teach, not your erudition or expertise.
Based on your prolific career across multiple genres and formats, what is your primary piece of advice for aspiring authors who want to use their writing to create a global impact or address a societal "plague"?
If your main motivating aim is to create a global impact, write nothing. You are on the wrong path.
Never address a societal anything, plague or otherwise.
Discuss your pain, the world through your eyes, the lens and prism of your experiences, and the sum of your suffering.
The only universal messages are idiosyncratically individual and private. You reach maximum effect the narrower is your focus on yourself.
3. Independent Media (UK) Interview
Q. Is narcissism something unavoidable if you have it - or can it be prevented in some way if you know you have a family history of it?
Pathological narcissism is not like peanut allergy. It cannot be “avoided” or “prevented”. It is a severe post-traumatic, developmental, all-pervasive personality disorder that can be traced back to early childhood and to the narcissist’s formative years.
We have no record or study that substantiate the existence of a “family history” of pathological narcissism”.
Q. What can cause narcissism? Is there a trigger that can switch if you have a genetic disposition to it and can stay latent in others?
Narcissism is a cluster of traits and, like all psychological traits, it is hereditary.
Healthy narcissism is an integral part of personal growth and maturation and is at the core of self-esteem, a stable sense of self-worth, and even social functioning (aka object relations).
Environmental factors may mutate healthy narcissism into the pathological or even the malignant kind.
It is very likely that certain people have a genetic predisposition to develop pathological narcissism when they are subjected to a dysfunctional environment, a specific life history, and certain adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).
However, at this stage, we have no body of rigorous, serious studies in any field to support such a claim.
The studies extant (including the one you referred to below) are deeply flawed in both methodology and interpretation. They suffer from these shortcomings, among others:
1. Tiny, non-representative, or self-selecting samples;
2. The authors typically confuse subclinical narcissism (“dark personality”) with the disorder (NPD) or with having a narcissistic style;
3. Conflating the traits of narcissism with the mutations of these traits (the pathology);
4. Most of the subjects studied suffer from co-morbidities (co-occurrences of multiple mental health issues and dysfunctional behaviors such as substance use). The samples are never unadulterated, pure, they are contaminated with the symptoms of other, unrelated, mental health issues.
5. Most of the studies (about 80%) cannot be replicated (this is known as the replication crisis)
6. There is no agreed upon definition of NPD, so there is no way to measure and compare it as a clinical entity (unlike peanut allergy, for example)
7. Overreliance on self-reporting in all these studies. Narcissists are known to be less than truthful for various psychological reasons and so their self-reports are suspect.
8. Use of the wrong psychological diagnostic tests (NPI instead of PNI, for example)
9. Confusing or ignoring important variants of pathological narcissism such as covert (vulnerable, shy, or fragile) narcissism.
And the list goes on. There is a lot of hubris in the field and a desperate attempt by psychologists to pose as the practitioners of an exact science. The use of statistics does not a science make.
On the other hand, there is a record of 130 years, thousands upon thousands of rigorous studies, which highly correlate childhood abuse and trauma with later-life pathological narcissism.
There is childhood abuse or trauma in the personal histories of literally all people diagnosed with NPD.
“Abuse” and “trauma” in this context is any disruption to the formation of an individuated, separated, integrated, and constellated self. An overprotective or smothering parent is therefore being as abusive as an incestuous or bullying one.
Q. Or would a narcissist always be one ?
Pathological narcissism is a longitudinal, lifelong, extensive and ineradicable set of traits and functioning. Certain behaviors can be modified or learned, but the core clinical features are immutable. Pathological narcissism starts off as a positive adaptation and then it rigidifies and becomes a lifespan determinant (a maladaptation).
Q. How can parents try to help kids not become a narcissist if say there is a family history of it? Or is there nothing we can do?
Again, there is no such thing as a “family history” of narcissism.
More generally:
To prevent the emergence of rigid narcissistic defenses in a child, the parent needs to allow the child to separate and individuate; to experiment and explore; to suffer loss and pain; to make mistakes and learn from them; to balance parental love, acceptance, and discipline; to never condition love on performance or accomplishments; to provide the child with a behavioral model to emulate (in a process known as modeling); to instill in the child values; to teach the child social scripts and skills, and so on.
Q. What signs could signal that a child could be developing narcissistic traits, that could be a red flag that help is needed ?
We never diagnose pathological narcissism prior to age 18 to 25 (depending on which scholar you consult).
In certain stages of childhood and adolescence, self-centred, entitled narcissism and even grandiosity are healthy and conducive to personal development. They should be encouraged!
However, if the child is sadistic (cruel), exploitative, externalizes aggression, is socially dysfunctional, contumacious, defiant, reckless, and lacks empathy, we may be dealing with a budding psychopath. This is known as “conduct disorder”.
Another problem is rejection by peers or role models. It could lead to pronounced compensatory narcissistic defenses in the shamed and humiliated child.
Treatment interventions in these early phases of life are inordinately effective. Concerned parents should not hesitate to seek professional help.
Q. Are children of narcissists more likely to become one - and why?
Children of mothers who are covert narcissists are more likely to develop pathological narcissism later in life. All other subtypes of pathological narcissism in parents have not been correlated with pathological narcissism in their offspring.
It seems that the stealth and pernicious nature of the narcissism in the covert mother contribute to the emergence of NPD in the child as a defense.
Such a mother typically emits mixed signals, is passive-aggressive, and manipulative. She tends to instrumentalize the child and parentify it. She veers between idealizing the child and devaluing it (splitting). Her love is performative and conditioned on the child’s catering to her insecurities, resentment, and psychological needs.
The child’s only survival strategy would be to cease to exist as a helpless scapegoat and to re-emerge as an antithesis of itself, immersed in fantasy, grandiose, and godlike.
Anecdotal observations and some studies which are not rigorous or conclusive seem to INDICATE that there is a genetic predisposition to the development of pathological narcissism.
In other words:
If children – even non—identical twins – are exposed to the same abusive, traumatizing, adverse or dysfunctional environment, only 1.7% of them will end up developing NPD.
This is a strong indication of some determinant of genetic propensity.
Regrettably - unlike in the case of psychopathy or Borderline Personality Disorder – we have been unable to isolate a gene or an array of genes highly correlated with NPD.
Narcissism Runs in Families Due to Genetics: An Extended Twin Family Analysis
Back, M. D., Instinske, J., & Kandler, C. (2026). Narcissism runs in families due to genetics: An extended twin family analysis. Social Psychological and Personality Science. Advance online publication, https://doi.org/10.1177/19485506261429556
This “study” is dramatically flawed and a prime example of what’s wrong with this kind of proliferating “scholarship”.
To start with, the authors used NPI and NNS (two psychological tests) to “diagnose” narcissists (people with NPD).
Neither NPI nor NNS are used to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder. NPI is used to gauge narcissism (trait domain and personality features) whereas NNS is used to spot dark triad personalities (SUBclinical narcissism, not NPD).
Moreover, the study uses only 3 items from the NNS. This alone should disqualify the study: pathological narcissism cannot be adequately captured or described, let alone diagnosed, using only 3 items.
They also use different measures for participants at different ages, thus ending up comparing apples and oranges.
Consequently, the authors egregiously confuse traits (which are indeed hereditary) with the pathology.
The statistical analyses of confounding factors and cross-influences are all heavily dependent on the assumptions of the model used by the authors.
Some of the samples are small (e.g., only 239 spouses and partners). So, the statistical inference is not as robust as the authors claim.
The authors conclude that there is causation where none could be inferred from the data (they confuse non-directional correlation with directional causation).
They lump all environmental influences into a single largely meaningless metric, not offering any fine-grained analysis of the impact the environment, upbringing, sibling rivalry, parental intradyadic relationships, peer pressure and rejection, and numerous other environmental factors may have on the later life emergence of NPD.
They confuse variance (variation) in the expression of narcissism within the population with genetic causation. These are absolutely not the same. It is a rookie mistake.
Shared environmental variance (the measure used in the study) are environmental factors that render siblings similar. It absolutely does not mean that parenting, abuse, trauma, or socioeconomic circumstances are irrelevant. Environmental experiences can be individual-specific rather than shared by siblings (consider schoolyard bullying or being treated as a scapegoat or golden child).
While the study makes sweeping and grandiose claims about the development of narcissism in childhood and adolescence, it actually makes use of a single STATIC snapshot in the lives of the participants (Wave 3). In other words: the study is not longitudinal and cannot make any valid claim about the DYNAMIC process of the evolution of narcissism in individuals.
The study relies exclusively on rating and self-reporting. These are notoriously unreliable ways to gather data.
The nonshared environmental component is partly a residual category. It includes environmental influences that differ between family members, but it can also contain influences arising from measurement problems and other model limitations.
The paper absolutely fails to establish that genes cause narcissism, parenting doesn't matter, and narcissism is genetically predetermined.
Q. Also would you mind just giving me a quote to explain what type of narcissists there are ? What are the worst kind ? Dark Triad ?
Dark personalities (dark triad and dark tetrad) are NOT narcissists. One of the elements in dark personalities is SUBclinical narcissism (narcissistic personality style that does not amount to clinical pathological narcissism): someone with narcissistic behaviors that cannot be diagnosed with NPD (does not meet the diagnostic threshold).
There are two recognized types of narcissists: overt (“grandiose”) and covert (“vulnerable”). All narcissists cycle between overt and covert phases but every narcissist has a lifelong dominant side (overt or covert).
The overt narcissist is grandiose, exploitative, prone to fantasy, and lacks empathy. The covert narcissist is grandiose, frustrated, resentful, passive-aggressive, and a perpetual “victim”.
Many covert narcissists are prosocial or communal: they hide behind a façade of empathy, compassion, and they are ostentatious do-gooders, wounded healers, rescuers, saviors, gurus, and fixers.
Otto Kernberg proposed a third kind of narcissist known as a “malignant narcissist”: a combination of clinical narcissism, clinical psychopathy, and clinical sadism. This would be by far the worst and most dangerous type of narcissist.
Q. And why people are obsessed with narcissism these days ?
Narcissism is not only a clinical diagnosis. It is an organizing principle: it help people makes sense of reality and of their lives. It accounts for numerous types of behaviors and misbehaviors in all spheres of life and in many professions (such as politics or show business). Nowadays, most people regard themselves as victims and are prone to conspiracy theories. Blaming narcissists for everything that has gone wrong in your life and in the world at large is soothing.
Q. Is it people are equally scared of being one so look at check lists ? Or worry they know one ? So look at check lists ?
Most people do not consider their own narcissism. They’d rather cast themselves as victims of narcissists. Competitive victimhood and TIV (Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood) are common nowadays. Hence the growing interest in narcissistic abuse.
Lasch - The Cultural Narcissist
Narcissism Frequently Asked Questions
Watch: Related Videos by Prof. Vaknin
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1
Bleeding-edge Narcissism Know-how (Readers House UK)
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Sam Vaknin Narcissistic Abuse LIVE, Questioning Your Answers (Narcissism Summaries YouTube Channel)
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On Narcissists and Narcissism (Sam Vaknin on Exist Real in NAVSOS, Worthing UK)
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Mega TV's Idea Lab: NARCISSISM (My responses in ENGLISH) - Part 2/2
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Mega TV's Idea Lab: NARCISSISM (My responses in ENGLISH) - Part 1/2
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Sam Vaknin’s Party Boat of Harsh Truths Facebook Group Q&A (with Sherri McKeon)
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Why Narcissism is on the Rise? (with Peter Kolakowski, Journalistenrat)